Meet Marianne
by Mkao
Summary: When Luffy randomly recruits a new member, a young girl named Marianne, the crew will come to find she's stunningly beautiful, exceptionally strong, and...extremely annoying.


This is a parody of Mary Sues, I'll do my best to make it funny. Any suggestions and critisims are completely welcome. Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece. Heck, I don't even own Marianne Susan. She belongs to everyone who ever made Mary Sues to live vicariously through.

* * *

"_Here's to drinking my pain away,_" She thought, as she lifted her alcohol into the air, "_Or, at least **trying **to._"

She took a brave swig of the alcohol before slamming it dramatically onto the table before her. The sudden noise cut through the air and caused other patrons of the bar to glare at her in annoyance, or at least grit their teeth. She glared back, misinterpreting their looks for sleazy come-ons and improper thoughts.

After all, she was beautiful. Hell, beautiful didn't even begin to scratch the surface; she was marvelous, amazing, and gorgeous. She was young, about seventeen or eighteen, depending on what appeals to you most, with silky smooth dark chestnut hair (with natural highlights, which of course were absolutely _gorgeous_) and an ample, perky chest that was so stupendously attached to a slim (of course, she could eat whatever she wanted without gaining an ounce), tall, and tanned body. She wore a black tank top and dark green pants, both of which would have complimented her body further, if such a thing were possible.

And her eyes…Well, they deserved a whole paragraph just to themselves, for they were so extraordinary.

They were an awe-inspiring blue that made even the toughest pirates freeze where they stood. Well, they were blue _most_ of the time. In the sun they miraculously turned to a blue that was so light, it was almost…Um, well, you get my drift. And in dim light, they seemed almost gold. And at night, they turned such a majestic shade of emerald it could bring you to your knees. And such forth.

The girl sighed forlornly into her comforting cup of spirits. Suddenly, she heard someone walking towards her. Her eyes shot up and landed on a tall burly man who was looking at her questioningly. Gripping her drink like a weapon, she stared boldly straight into his eyes.

"Um, 'mam?" The man cleared his throat.

"Yes? What is it?" She hissed, raising her perfectly shaped eyebrow. For all she knew, he could be some psycho who was planning on ravaging and killing her. Or even worse, he could be, may the gods forbid it, a bounty hunter.

"I was just wondering…" The man coughed, "Why are you chugging a Pina Colada? I don't think I've ever seen that before."

The girl closed her eyes.

"Can't you see? I'm trying to drink away my pain." She answered, pausing slightly between 'my" and 'pain' to build up suspension.

The man stared at her for a moment, "Yes, along with everyone else in this bar, but with a Pina Colada? And before that it was a Malibu and pineapple. I mean, if you are going to 'drink your pain away', it should be with hard liquor, not a tropical beach drink. Though, those can be nice on occasion."

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" She stood up suddenly, knocking over her half finished Pina Colada across the table and onto the burly man, causing him to grimace. The sugar made the drink all sticky and unpleasant, but at least it smelled nice.

She turned and ran towards the door, closing her eyes, trying to will her oh-so-painful memories away. Just as she was doing this, the door swung open and she crashed into a boy with a straw hat. After a rough landing on her butt, she looked up. Before her stood a crew of seven people, and all of them were looking at her as if she had two heads. She recognized them immediately, and this realization caused her to gasp.

"The Straw Hats!"

* * *

"What a beauty! Are you alright, loveliness?" One of the crewmembers, a blonde man, offered his hand to help her up. But being the self-reliant, strong woman she was, the girl denied it and hopped to her feet.

"I'm fine." She stated curtly, which would have seemed flat out bitchy anywhere else, but it was okay because she was a strong and spunky girl.

Instead of them just going their separate, respective ways, which probably would have happened in the first place, they decided to bring about a random and rather awkward round of introductions.

"I'm Monkey D. Luffy!" Announced the boy with the straw hat.

"Zoro." The green haired boy muttered simply.

"Sanji, pleasure to meet your acquaintance," the blonde haired boy bowed.

"I'm Chopper," said the strange little reindeer-esque creature.

And so on, and so on, and so on, until they were all had introduced themselves. The girl smiled.

"And I am," the girl paused to look each and every one of them into the eye. This took about ten seconds, and caused them to shuffle uncomfortably, "Marianne, but you can call my Mary. My middle name is Susan. My surname isn't important. Now that we're friends, let's go get a drink."

Mary led the Straw Hats through the bar and to a table. She ordered water, figuring she had enough alcohol in her system (though she could drink ten pints without even feeling woozy. She figured. Because she actually had never done that before), and every one else got a beer.

"What I find strange," theorange haired girl, Nami, said after a little small talk, "is that everyone in the crew is here at once. I mean, when has that ever happened? Usually we split up when we explore a new town. And why isn't anyone watching the boat?"

A silence broke out among them, all deep in thought.

"Do you want to join my crew?" Asked Luffy suddenly, making Nami's statement evaporate into the air.

"WHAT!" Yelped Zoro, Nami, Sanji, Chopper, and Usopp at the same time in surprise. Even Robin looked completely shocked.

"Luffy…CanI talk to you for a moment? In private?" Nami stood up.

"Sure!" Luffy grinned and followed Nami to a corner in the bar, completely oblivious.

"Are you completely insane? This is way too spontaneous, even for you. First of all, we hardly know her. Second, we usually have an adventure or at the very least, an emotional attachment to the potential member. And finally, we don't even have a position for her!"

Luffy snapped his head up. "Hey! Mary! What can you do?"

Mary allowed a slow and deliberate smirk sneak onto her perfectly plump lips.

"Well. I can dance. I can write. I can play an astounding number of sports. I can sing. I can play lots of instruments, but mostly I excel at guitar. I can –"

"Perfect!" Luffy clapped with excitement. "You will be our musician!"

* * *

I hope you guys like it so far! 


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